A (not so) distant memory

On this day 1 year ago I was awaken at 4:00 a.m. by my sweet, 19 day old baby boy.  I went in his room and he was burning up.  After a call to the hospital, we were on our way to the emergency room.  I had no idea what was in store for us for the next few days.  Ethan was admitted to the hospital and test after test was run to try to figure out what was causing his high fevers.  I was terrified and I remember all the emotions of that day like it was yesterday.

I vividly remember when the doctor told me it was time for Wes and I to step out in the waiting room so that they could perform a spinal tap on my 7.5 pound baby.  I remember asking the doctor if we could pray before we left and he agreed, but then I literally couldn't get a word out and a sweet, precious nurse (who I still don't know) came out of nowhere and interceded for us.  She was a God send, literally and I could never repay her for praying the sweet, powerful prayer she prayed that morning. 

I will never forget the heart shattering news we received from the nurse when he told us that the doctor told him he needed to share with us that it was meningitis(which we later found out was a mis-diagnosis). My heart fell into a million pieces and I honestly thought that I was going to lose my baby. You see, when I was 3 months old I had bacterial meningitis and my mom kept a journal of her feelings during that time.  My mind literally replayed her words over and over from her entries, which basically said every day was touch and go , how I went into cardiac arrest and she thought she was going to lose me several times.  My mind couldn't stop thinking that we were in the final days with our precious boy.

Your heart can never, ever be prepared for something like this.  I could never repay the nurses that cared for my sweet guy and nursed him back to health. I seriously can't find the words of gratitude for our pediatrician who walked along side us the entire time and called personally with several updates about lab work.  Hearing the assurance in his voice sustained me through some pretty difficult times.  I could never thank all of our dear friends who called, texted and emailed. It seems each time I would hit a down moment I'd receive a special note or words of encouragement from a friend. And I will never, ever forget how the Lord comforted me, held me and protected Ethan during our stay at the hospital.  Without my faith, I would have never survived this.

In hindsight, I'm so grateful for the outcome we had.  There are so many families that have way more traumatic experiences than us, and some parents do have to say goodbye to their little ones on earth. I know our situation was nothing compared to what some parents go through with their kids' health. But I do know that Jesus sustained us, just like he sustains them. 

Thank you, Lord for giving me and letting me keep this precious, precious baby boy.  One year later and he's a happy, healthy, thriving one year old.